Why do you do this?
A better question is, why do I let it bother me, I think.
I know you love me. You do, don't you. Yes, you do. It's in your agonizing eyes, in your searing touch.
So why does a simple call make my tortured heart clench, my throat tight with fear and pain and aching need?
Fear.
Because I'm not good enough. I know you'll say I am. I'm not.
Afraid.
One day you'll leave, and I won't know how to live.
Is it all in my imagination? I hope so.
I pray so.
Nothing burns deeper than the flames of my doubt suspicion breeds angry flames that lick and scar my tender flesh.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Untitled
Her world harbors violence.
Pain. Fear. Lust.
Breeching the Commandments is her life.
In her world, all these things are imaginary. Figments of the overactive minds of the pleasure-starved.
Faces are just words strung together to form meaning.
It's only as real as you want it to be.
[It's only as fake as you want it to be.]
Flowers. Amethysts.
Indigo and gold make up her words.
Nothingness exists only in the minds of the nothings. They are the ones who fear it. Who claim it. Who make it their world.
Her world is passion. Lust. Love. Sex.
Her world is pleasure. Joy. Hope.
Her world is freedom. Not their freedom, but her own.
Pain. Fear. Lust.
Breeching the Commandments is her life.
In her world, all these things are imaginary. Figments of the overactive minds of the pleasure-starved.
Faces are just words strung together to form meaning.
It's only as real as you want it to be.
[It's only as fake as you want it to be.]
Flowers. Amethysts.
Indigo and gold make up her words.
Nothingness exists only in the minds of the nothings. They are the ones who fear it. Who claim it. Who make it their world.
Her world is passion. Lust. Love. Sex.
Her world is pleasure. Joy. Hope.
Her world is freedom. Not their freedom, but her own.
Snowed In
crisp white blanketing the ground
untouched by the foulness of mankind
pure
each falling crystal a mirror
revealing its facets upon cool glass panes
flame licks at evergreen logs
breaking the quiet with hissing and popping
warming the dark night air
nothing moves
nothing but the falling snow
my breath upon the windowpane
the flames that destroy to give life
light
warmth
untouched by the foulness of mankind
pure
each falling crystal a mirror
revealing its facets upon cool glass panes
flame licks at evergreen logs
breaking the quiet with hissing and popping
warming the dark night air
nothing moves
nothing but the falling snow
my breath upon the windowpane
the flames that destroy to give life
light
warmth
Between
Between you and I there is only air.
There is only breath.
Nothing else should matter, nothing else should stand in the way. We should not seek to put these obstacles between our hearts. So why do we?
It hurts more and more each time.
I cry harder.
You hurt, and scream, and make me want to fly away.
When did it become so difficult? When did something so simple, so intrinsic to our human nature become so heart-wrenching, so painful?
Now between us there is air. There is breath.
And tears.
But even with this I still seek your arms. Your love matters to me. You matter to me. Not even the hurt, when hurt is fading, can take that away. Not even the tears can cause me not to see. I see you. I love you. Even now.
There is only breath.
Nothing else should matter, nothing else should stand in the way. We should not seek to put these obstacles between our hearts. So why do we?
It hurts more and more each time.
I cry harder.
You hurt, and scream, and make me want to fly away.
When did it become so difficult? When did something so simple, so intrinsic to our human nature become so heart-wrenching, so painful?
Now between us there is air. There is breath.
And tears.
But even with this I still seek your arms. Your love matters to me. You matter to me. Not even the hurt, when hurt is fading, can take that away. Not even the tears can cause me not to see. I see you. I love you. Even now.
Give Me More
No.
You ask me not to read into what you say. To accept your words as what they are. To not make assumptions. But how can I not, when all you give is one word?
No.
I won't read anymore, if that's what you want. I won't read at all.
*sigh*
Every word, every sound has a meaning all its own. If you want to say something, use words. Don't leave it for me to guess what you mean. What you want.
*screams*
Even the silence, the places between words, holds meaning. Even the quiet can make my heart ache.
You ask me not to read into what you say. To accept your words as what they are. To not make assumptions. But how can I not, when all you give is one word?
No.
I won't read anymore, if that's what you want. I won't read at all.
*sigh*
Every word, every sound has a meaning all its own. If you want to say something, use words. Don't leave it for me to guess what you mean. What you want.
*screams*
Even the silence, the places between words, holds meaning. Even the quiet can make my heart ache.
Tornado
Free me.
Make it stop, make it go away. Please?
I can't do it for myself. I won't. It's part of me. Intrinsic to my very nature.
But it slices deeper every time, until I'm hanging by a thread. And I'm losing my grip on even that.
I don't want to lose it. Don't want to lose that which was shared. That which I cling to so perilously. The ego, the hunger for love screams and kicks and bites. A childish tantrum. And I can't make it stop.
Won't make it stop.
Want it to stop.
Want it to stop, to leave me in peace, to quiet my soul, to let me find that one moment of calm.
Around me a tornado rages and I lose all control. Whirling, spinning, raging. Tearing everything down. Love, Hate, Pain. Nothing stands until it is gone. And then pain finds its way back faster, racing to the wreckage of my heart.
I love you. I want to not hurt you. To not hurt. But it seems impossible.
This sickness refuses to release me.
Do I have to choose?
Make it stop, make it go away. Please?
I can't do it for myself. I won't. It's part of me. Intrinsic to my very nature.
But it slices deeper every time, until I'm hanging by a thread. And I'm losing my grip on even that.
I don't want to lose it. Don't want to lose that which was shared. That which I cling to so perilously. The ego, the hunger for love screams and kicks and bites. A childish tantrum. And I can't make it stop.
Won't make it stop.
Want it to stop.
Want it to stop, to leave me in peace, to quiet my soul, to let me find that one moment of calm.
Around me a tornado rages and I lose all control. Whirling, spinning, raging. Tearing everything down. Love, Hate, Pain. Nothing stands until it is gone. And then pain finds its way back faster, racing to the wreckage of my heart.
I love you. I want to not hurt you. To not hurt. But it seems impossible.
This sickness refuses to release me.
Do I have to choose?
Luna's Light
daughters of change
drink luna's magic beneath her light
dancing in a sacred circle
to the rhythm of their blood
warriors of sacred night
howling their rage like songs
diamond claws raised against the sky
like anthems of glory
drink luna's magic beneath her light
dancing in a sacred circle
to the rhythm of their blood
warriors of sacred night
howling their rage like songs
diamond claws raised against the sky
like anthems of glory
Killers
This was written as a challenge, given a subject and a list of words that have to be used. It's a fun exercise, actually.
Subject: Tigers in the Jungle of India
Words:
1. Rock Salt
2. Candy Canes
3. Tomato Paste
4. Penicillin
5. Pewter
eyes glint like pewter caught in a shaft of sun
the creature hides amongst the blades of a fern
the men work nearby never seeing the great hunter
killer of men, the true king of cats
stalking, watching, ebon stripes giving camoflage
against lush fur the color of watered-down tomato paste
palm fronds like candy canes unfurling in morning's light
stir and sway as the giant moves closer to the camp
they hear the scream and come with guns drawn
leaving the cages that hold the unconscious cubs
all that is left is spilled rock salt stained with blood
the last of the supplies the victim carried
the poachers, fearful now of the striped death
open the cages and flee with their lives
Subject: Tigers in the Jungle of India
Words:
1. Rock Salt
2. Candy Canes
3. Tomato Paste
4. Penicillin
5. Pewter
eyes glint like pewter caught in a shaft of sun
the creature hides amongst the blades of a fern
the men work nearby never seeing the great hunter
killer of men, the true king of cats
stalking, watching, ebon stripes giving camoflage
against lush fur the color of watered-down tomato paste
palm fronds like candy canes unfurling in morning's light
stir and sway as the giant moves closer to the camp
they hear the scream and come with guns drawn
leaving the cages that hold the unconscious cubs
all that is left is spilled rock salt stained with blood
the last of the supplies the victim carried
the poachers, fearful now of the striped death
open the cages and flee with their lives
Nepthys' Dreams
golden eyes lined with khol
nails tap against the glass
expectant
waiting for him to arrive
staggering through a stagnant stream
a cloud of gnats rises
a canopy above his head
she is lucky, she thinks
swathed in rich silks
every inch of it a flourish
bespeaking her honored place
serendipity, they said
when she fell upon
the necromancer's scythe
now she is his for eternity
waiting for him to arrive
to bring her the spoils
of his deadly obsession
nails tap against the glass
expectant
waiting for him to arrive
staggering through a stagnant stream
a cloud of gnats rises
a canopy above his head
she is lucky, she thinks
swathed in rich silks
every inch of it a flourish
bespeaking her honored place
serendipity, they said
when she fell upon
the necromancer's scythe
now she is his for eternity
waiting for him to arrive
to bring her the spoils
of his deadly obsession
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